Braid Materials: Diaper, Baby Wipe Packaging, Cloth Face Masks
What started out as a seemingly "normal" postpartum period for myself and my family, quickly deteriorated in the face of COVID. My daughter, born just a few short weeks before the 2020 lockdown, kept us busy with typical nighttime feedings and round-the-clock diaper changes. As we adjusted to our new lifestyle the world slowly shifted, and news cycles turned sinister. It soon became clear that we would have to accommodate an unrelenting virus, and we began to live under the crushing weight of “what if?”
What if she got sick? What if we got sick? What if, what if? For weeks on end, like so many others, we spent our idle time worrying. Naps and feeding times were now spent endlessly scrolling through newsfeeds, searching for answers to no avail. Extra postpartum and baby supplies were stockpiled through Amazon, hand sanitizers were scavenged from our local bank lobby, and pediatrician visits were hurried as we were ushered through back hallways, sweating in bulky cloth masks.
As winter turned to spring and spring to summer, our days were still marked by separation from our family members and friends, preventing any sort of bonding experience. Visits with our parents were spent on the doorstep as they longed to hold their grandchild.
Part of me will forever feel robbed of a “typical” postpartum experience. Instead of connection, I was met with isolation. There were no days out, no visits to family, no sitting on friends couches while they offered advice or held our daughter.
Most of all, for many months, there were no cherished moments between my parents and their grandchild, the sting of which has been magnified by my Father’s (“Papa”) recent and untimely death attributed to COVID. This crushing blow, delivered two years after living in careful consideration of his health challenges me to live under a different weight- what were all those “what ifs” for, if only to lead to this?
- Samantha Snow